my heart is an open palm, exposed and raw
In my land of bright lights you are effervescent -
Overwhelming at once, I am oblivious the next.
You are the palpable product of words I never meant,
Of clouded judgement, infinite dreams; my sweet Regret.
My conscience weighs you down and embeds you
Somewhere in the murky depths of this sepulchral soul.
Yet there is little want of redemption for what I do,
And you and your kind maketh the stories I never told.
Even now I would sing that I am yours, Yours!
As I believe you are mine in all your tainted forms.
Sucker as I am for your taste, touch and allure,
The beauty of folly is not weeping when all else mourns.
So this is an ode to my ill-fated penchant for
Secrets I have to keep, and everything that
I loved to hold but not to possess.
That I wish to forget, but forget to regret.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
i cooked my very first meal all by myself today! uh-huh, no help from wendy, hwei or whosoever. let me reiterate, all by me, myself and i. well despite it being only macaroni and cheese, which is probably the only thing i know how to cook without killing myself, i still made it alright. and contrary to popular belief, nopes i didn't burn down my house. so phoonie you can stop smirking now. acks better hit the books now.
i know that it's not over yet, but to tell you the truth, im tired of trying again, of taking chances, of not knowing what will come out of all this. so much effort being put in, yet it didn't work out. perhaps there's really no 'ending' between us, but let me just say that the day you broke my heart, there wasn't really another beginning too. yes we're running around in circles again, and somehow we're bound to collide again. even then, i would say it'll hurt so much that we never want to see each other ever again. so why don't we just avoid that and continue being indifferent. you might want to fill in that void in me again, or even change your whole life for me, but what's done is done and it's really not too much to say that it's impossible between you and me from now on. thank you for loving me, the laughter and the tears. i may never love so fiercely again, and for that, you'll always be part of me. thank you for trying, i know i never tell you that enough, but yes the fact that you're trying so hard means the world to me. whether i find my happiness again is another matter altogether, even if you're not the one giving it to me, just know that a part of me will always be stolen by you, given to you and with you.
written with ♥ at
11:33 PM;
